Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
