I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize