So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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