Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
