I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
