This is not my ceiling
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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