i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
