i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
