it was like his penis was on wheels.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
