She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
