grinding to god bless the USA? really?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...