i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.