My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
