Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

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  (732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken... http://tfl.nu/8g1q
  Replies (55) Good night (9550) Bad night (1347)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  guys are only as good as the porn they watch

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  (919): guys are only as good as the porn they watch http://tfl.nu/x0jq
  Replies (71) Good night (4021) Bad night (1238)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...

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  (240): He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me... http://tfl.nu/wuq4
  Replies (12) Good night (2713) Bad night (4348)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"

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  (208): They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!" http://tfl.nu/fyfv
  Replies (10) Good night (1678) Bad night (3429)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

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  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (25) Good night (6119) Bad night (1245)
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  (916): View more from California

  You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.

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  (916): You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito. http://tfl.nu/1uk0
  Replies (8) Good night (2106) Bad night (546)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.

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  (703): I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you. http://tfl.nu/i8ov
  Replies (5) Good night (1366) Bad night (444)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.

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  (608): He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples. http://tfl.nu/0xb3
  Replies (2) Good night (1445) Bad night (346)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter

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  (919): my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter http://tfl.nu/13z8
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (345)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool

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  (404): That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool http://tfl.nu/ivmu
  Replies (6) Good night (437) Bad night (994)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.

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  (605): I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk. http://tfl.nu/q1g3
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (336)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."

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  (478): I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you." http://tfl.nu/9ihc
  Replies (1) Good night (285) Bad night (850)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.

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  (410): She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue. http://tfl.nu/xn2n
  Replies (4) Good night (1097) Bad night (232)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"

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  (507): I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?" http://tfl.nu/mr60
  Replies (8) Good night (533) Bad night (197)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years

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  (857): Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years http://tfl.nu/6jcz
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (319)

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