Texts From Last Night

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  (343): View more from Ontario

  No awkward lesbian experiences without me

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  (343): No awkward lesbian experiences without me http://tfl.nu/e0c3
  Replies (3) Good night (1430) Bad night (658)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

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  (321): I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along. http://tfl.nu/x1z0
  Replies (11) Good night (1066) Bad night (3988)
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  (818): View more from California

  i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on

  (818): View more from California

  and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top

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  (818): i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on (818): and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top http://tfl.nu/u7hy
  Replies (3) Good night (728) Bad night (2638)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.

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  (817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot. http://tfl.nu/l939
  Replies (63) Good night (825) Bad night (8322)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.

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  (978): why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk. http://tfl.nu/9kux
  Replies (19) Good night (749) Bad night (2894)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

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  (907): I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even. http://tfl.nu/24fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5780) Bad night (891)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

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  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (5230) Bad night (1135)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

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  (215): I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done. (1-215): I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together. http://tfl.nu/q0m2
  Replies (19) Good night (4828) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.

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  (815): She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode. http://tfl.nu/19jg
  Replies (6) Good night (1426) Bad night (3144)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.

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  (918): he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/so4p
  Replies (5) Good night (1297) Bad night (2726)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.

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  (903): Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis. http://tfl.nu/h9w8
  Replies (7) Good night (2055) Bad night (750)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...

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  (713): He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate... http://tfl.nu/djvz
  Replies (5) Good night (878) Bad night (2205)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

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  (440): when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine http://tfl.nu/xy6d
  Replies (7) Good night (1633) Bad night (707)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.

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  (336): I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can. http://tfl.nu/mx39
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.

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  (310): My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another. http://tfl.nu/1lkm
  Replies (2) Good night (546) Bad night (191)

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