She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...