This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
