I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week