if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
