Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend