Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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