i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
