Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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