I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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