ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
