Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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