I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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