I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Girls should come with a carfax report
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
