Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
