Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
