we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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