just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
