remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
