just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
