Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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