youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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