Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
