I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
