I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
