If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
