you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You need a sexual gate keeper
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
