Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
