HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
