Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
