508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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