I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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