this boner is exhausting
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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