We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
