I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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