So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
