I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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