Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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