I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
