Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
