I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
