sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I AM VODKA MAN
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
