I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
