just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
