Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
