If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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