I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
