yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
