When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
