Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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