I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
