even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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