Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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