Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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