im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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