The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
