I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
