it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
