Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
