So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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