I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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