i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
