I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You took a bar mat shot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
