you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
