i love accidental penises.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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