make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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