I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize