Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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