history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
