It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
