Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
