Porn is love you can see.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
