I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
