So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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