It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
