We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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