fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
