my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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