Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
