Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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